Tuesday, October 31, 2006


I love Halloween. I love freckle-faced mini witches and baby ghosts that can barely walk. I love pumpkin spice lattes and peace signs carved into jack o’ lanterns and the thin veil between the living and the dead on Samhain. I love candy corn and individual peanut butter cups. I love seeing grown men dressed like they have a mental condition for the sake of winning a bar tab.

I had no idea how many kids live in my neighborhood until last Halloween, because I never see any of these children playing outside. This leads me to believe that they are all sitting on their butts playing video games all weekend, and thus candy is the last thing they should be eating, but whatever. It’s Halloween and they aren’t my kids.

Adults on Halloween are even better. Not the ones taking their kids trick-or-treating - you know they’d rather be with the other grown ups, the ones attending their own costume parties, the ones winning those bar tabs. I think you can tell a lot about a person by whom they choose to be on Halloween. For example, the people who dress up like incredibly scary clowns of death. WTF? How is that fun or enjoyable for anyone? It isn’t, and that’s the point. People who dress up like incredibly scary clowns of death revel in making others uncomfortable. Avoid them.

Then there is the ubiquitous gypsy/priest/homeless guy/recent dead celebrity/insert-other-cliché-here costume. This is for people who are out of either time or imagination. Booooooooooring. Avoid them, too.

What you want to do is find the people with the funny, unique and interesting costumes. Like the guy dressed as Lt. Dangles from Reno 911. The fat Richard Simmons. The Mormon missionary (just make sure it’s a costume).

Now I know you are dying to see my costume so you can judge exactly how smarty, amusing and clever I am. Bless you for that. Guess what I am?

Okay, it was a great excuse to prance around a bar in little more than my underwear and a skanky blonde wig.


Blogger Glamorous Redneck said...

I love Halloween too! Cute costume. :)

12:06 PM  

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